Mahr: The Financial Security Built into Marriage
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful
(May Almighty ALLAH preserve Sr. Ummi.andrea and every person of reflection and knowledge who has contributed to this — knowingly or unknowingly, by the way, if you're wondering what mariamoohanc means, keep reading.😊)
🥀 Indeed, Mahr is part of the financial security which has been built into marriage 🫀
Mahr (money/inheritance that the husband gives to the wife at the start of marriage) is a mighty favour of ALLAH, bestowed on women — the bearers of the womb.
The womb is ar-Rahim, named after The Almighty ALLAH, The Most High Himself.
It is that which receives souls from the throne of ALLAH, above the seventh heavens.
And in the glorious Qur'an, you'll find several verses safeguarding Mahr: this obligatory pillar of marriage.
So beware of anyone who wants to deprive you of this mighty favour from ALLAH.
Be suspicious of anyone who wants to trivialise the importance of Mahr.
Mahr is not a mere gift.
It is a legal gift.
It is far greater than a trivial gift.
It is your pre-marital inheritance.
And verily, without any type of doubt, Almighty ALLAH is indeed, the best of Planners, the Absolute.
Perhaps, one of the most mind-blowing insights that you most likely have missed is that Qur'an 4:3, yes, yes, I know, that verse that's often quoted to show you that, look — Polygamy is allowed in Islam — is actually about Mahr.
Oh, you're shocked.
So am I.
But have you ever read any of the authentic Hadiths that explained this verse?
You haven't?
Let me surprise you with one.
Qur'an 4:3: “If you fear you might fail to give orphan women their ˹due˺ rights ˹if you were to marry them˺, then marry other women of your choice—two, three, or four...”
Narrated `Urwa bin Az-Zubair:
That he asked `Aisha regarding the Statement of Allah: "If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan girls..." (4.3) She said, "O son of my sister! An Orphan girl used to be under the care of a guardian with whom she shared property. Her guardian, being attracted by her wealth and beauty, would intend to marry her without giving her a just Mahr, i.e. the same Mahr as any other person might give her (in case he married her). So such guardians were forbidden to do that unless they did justice to their female wards and gave them the highest Mahr their peers might get. They were ordered (by Allah, to marry women of their choice other than those orphan girls." `Aisha added," The people asked Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) his instructions after the revelation of this Divine Verse whereupon Allah revealed: "They ask your instruction regarding women " (4.127) `Aisha further said, "And the Statement of Allah: "And yet whom you desire to marry." (4.127) as anyone of you refrains from marrying an orphan girl (under his guardianship) when she is lacking in property and beauty." `Aisha added, "So they were forbidden to marry those orphan girls for whose wealth and beauty they had a desire unless with justice, and that was because they would refrain from marrying them if they were lacking in property and beauty."
Reference | : Sahih al-Bukhari 4574 |
In-book reference | : Book 65, Hadith 96 |
USC-MSA web (English) reference | : Vol. 6, Book 60, Hadith 98 |
(With credit to Sunnah.com)
My sisters in Islam, when it comes to the subject of inheritance, Almighty ALLAH has preferred the men above the women. This is because men are the ones who provide for women.
So have you ever seen a man who's sorry to take the full share of what is due to him during inheritance?
If your answer is no, then I want to beg you with the name of ALLAH, not to hold back when it comes to taking your full right when it comes to the subject of Mahr.
Almighty ALLAH has charged men with providing for you in marriage because you're the one that's risking your life in marriage.
Sex doesn't have the same effect on men and women
He's the one entering, you're the one recieving
He should pay you your Mahr. It is your pre-marital inheritance. It is the favours of ALLAH on women. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty for the favours of ALLAH on you.
A good man should be happy to pay you significantly.
Marriage is not cheap. The Prophet Musa (PBUH) laboured for 10 years to pay for marriage.
Search for what each of the daughters of the Prophet ﷺ collected as Mahr. And be educated about what is considered “easy” when it comes to the matters of Mahr.
Mahr is a form of pre-marital inheritance.
It is not some pathetic little gift that won't have a significant impact on your quality of life.
It is not some miserable little gift that's bestowed on you as a favour from a man. It is your right. An obligation that is due to any man who has decided to embark on marriage.
Please note that marriage is not obligatory. But whoever has decided to go into marriage must go into it cheerfully providing.
It is the practice of the Prophet ﷺ to discourage women from marrying stingy men.
Sisters in Islam,
Allow stingy men to remain unmarried.
Have some regard for your womb.
As a female human being, you need financial security to have a healthy life.
You need financial security to get liberated from survival mode.
“Survival mode is not “just stress.”
Today, women live in constant overdrive.
30% more likely than men to suffer chronic stress.
42% of working mothers report depression or anxiety.
This isn’t weakness.
It’s biology breaking under pressure.” (With credit to Ummi.andrea)
Part of what most of you women fail to understand is that carrying the womb is more than a full-time job.
There's no amount of work a man can put in in his life that will make him bleed physiologically for 5 days, every 26 days.
We literally menstruate and that's just a tiny little bit of the grand cycle of being a womb carrier.
The bleeding is the only part that you can see.
The cycle is more than 20 days long.
We only have three days of peace every 26 days.
Outside of those three days, our bodies are under physiological fire and warfare.
It is not easy.
And even menopause is worse.
For a woman, existing is more than five full-time jobs.
Hence, the owner of the world has built so many structures into place to support those who have been built with a possibility of carrying life.
Yes, a man can bleed physically but his body hasn't been built to bleed physiologically every 20 days.
Men are to stand on guard in protection of the womb (i.e women).
This is more than an obligation — it is what they've been built to do. Almighty ALLAH says arijaluqawamuna ala Nisa (Men are the protectors of women).
Almighty ALLAH didn't say men should or must protect and provide for women.
Almighty ALLAH says, they are the protectors and providers. An average man is literally physically stronger and taller than an average woman.
Almighty ALLAH has built women with a greater physiological strength. This is needed to carry the womb. And Almighty ALLAH has built men with all of the physical strength that's required to safeguard the womb.
Isn't ALLAH the best of Planners, The Absolute?
He has built so many structures in place to ensure that women carry the womb in peace without having to struggle with survival mode.
“Being in survival mode destroys the body in the following ways:
- Cortisol (stress hormone) spirals out of control
- Nervous system stuck in fight-or-flight
- Fertility, immunity, sleep, and mood collapse
Physiologically, these are the effects of being in survival mode:
- Chronic stress rewires the brain.
Women in survival mode live in:
- Hypervigilance (never able to relax)
- Anxiety and panic disorders
- Brain fog and memory lapses
It feels permanent—even when life should feel safe.” - Ummi.Andrea
As a woman you simply pay too much price if you marry a financially unstable man.
The Daughter of Abu Bakr Rejected the leader of the Believers because of Money?
Umar Bn Khattab sent a proposal to one of the daughters of Abu Bakr and this daughter of Abu Bakr completely refused to marry Umar bn Khattab.
Why?
It was because of poverty.
Umar bn Khattab sent out this proposal when he was the commander of army of Muslims globally.
He was busy sending out troops and conquering territories, however, he wasn't able to focus on his personal business so he was so poor.
Umar bn Khattab asked Mother Aisha (peace be upon her) to speak to her sister, however, the sister of Mother Aisha absolutely refused insisting that she can't marry a poor man.
Our Mother, Aisha tried to convince her sister of the mighty status of Umar and the importance of his work and the historical honour it would be to marry him, yet she didn't accept his proposal. Insisting that he's poor.
Then Umar bn Khattab sent a proposal to the daughter of Ali, Ummul-Khulthum, and she accepted his proposal.
What I want all of us to learn from this is that nobody rebuked the sister of Mother Aisha, one of the daughters of Abu Bakr who refused this mighty proposal.
She's a woman and she has every right to protect herself from financial distress. Certainly the battles of bearing the womb is sufficient.
Not everyone can cope with financial uncertainty and instability.
The daughter of Ali, Ummul-Khulthum, accepted this proposal happily.
While the daughter of Abu Bakr absolutely refused even though her sister tried so hard to convince her.
She's not interested in the honour of Umar or the status or the rewards of supporting his monumental assignment.
Rather, she looked out for her own interest and nobody called her “materialistic”.
Sisters in Islam, do not allow anyone to shame you.
Carrying the womb makes you a soldier — a soldier of life.
A soldier who bleeds.
A physiological soldier.
If you look out for yourself, it is worth. It is totally normal. It absolutely makes sense!
Some women can fight multiple wars concurrently. Wars of financial starvation and wars of carrying the womb and they're fine.
If you're not that woman. It's fine too!
I tell brothers all of the time, if a woman doesn't accept your financial status, that's fair.
She's not a bad human!
Look, you'll always find other women who are happy with your financial status.
Humans are traders.
We are people of transactions.
Almighty ALLAH has not made us to be angels.
Do not try to be wicked in your trades brothers and sisters.
If you find a woman who isn't interested in doing business with you, move along, find someone else!
It is not by force!
And to those of you who have mighty wealth but you give your wives crumbs, I want you to know that in the Shari'ah of ALLAH , you're obligated to feed your slave what you eat and clothe him with what you wear.
Your wife is not your slave.
She's your woman.
Your family.
The only human who can see what your kids and parents cannot see in your body.
She's the only family member that you get to choose.
She's your garment and your spouse and certainly more deserving than a slave.
So what's wrong with you that you ride a car and that your wife jump from bike to bus.
Have you no understanding?
Sisters in Islam, a good man should be excited to provide for you to the best of his ability.
That's the law of ALLAH.
Marry humble men of knowledge who also have humility and understanding.
Avoid every arrogant man of ignorance and knowledge.
Avoid every man of knowledge who lacks understanding.
And most especially, avoid every beast who use knowledge as a weapon.
And may Almighty ALLAH protect you completely.
And do not forget one of the verses of ALLAH on Mahr.
Qur'an 4:3: “If you fear you might fail to give orphan women their ˹due˺ rights ˹if you were to marry them˺, then marry other women of your choice—two, three, or four...”
I'm sure you've never thought of this verse as a verse of Mahr, even though it is a verse of Mahr according to all of the authentic Hadiths that I quoted in my 60 pages letter about polygamy in Islam.
In Conclusion...
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5988
Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Bukhari
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ عَنْ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ إِنَّ الرَّحِمَ شَجْنَةٌ مِنْ الرَّحْمَنِ فَقَالَ اللَّهُ مَنْ وَصَلَكِ وَصَلْتُهُ وَمَنْ قَطَعَكِ قَطَعْتُهُ
5988 صحيح البخاري كتاب الأدب باب من وصل وصله الله
With Credit to Abu Amina Elias’ website
