Love heals. Sadness kills. The Horrors of Forced Marriages in Islam
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful
Almighty ALLAH has bestowed the stories of two women on me.
One from Asia.
One from Africa.
Both died in their twenties from cancer.
One was forced to marry a man she did not want.
The other was abandoned by her family because she married the man she wanted.
Some may call this coincidence.
But explain to me how two women, with no history of cancer in their families, suddenly developed cancer after the trauma of forced marriage.
My sister in Islam, Almighty ALLAH gave men many rights, but He never gave any man the right to decide who enters your body.
No man — not even your father — has the authority to decide who you have sexual relations with.
That choice belongs to you alone.
Sisters in Islam,
Your father’s role in your marriage is walī — a protector, not a dictator.
If he refuses to protect your interests, he has disobeyed ALLAH.
And you do not obey one who disobeys ALLAH.
If your father commands you to worship other than ALLAH, you disobey him.
If he tries to force a man into your body under the label of “marriage,” he has crossed the boundaries of ALLAH — even if he has 30 PhDs in Islamic law.
There is no obedience in disobedience to the Creator.
ALLAH gave you the right to choose your spouse.
Do not hand that right to anyone.
Always remember: love heals, and sadness kills.
Even if fear weighs on your heart like death, stand against oppression — even if the oppressor is your soft-spoken, scholarly, “pious” father.
If your father disqualifies himself by forcing you or pushing you toward sin, you have the right to choose an Islamic judge or an imam to act as your walī.
Don't Forget
The Prophet ﷺ said:
لَا نِكَاحَ إِلَّا بِوَلِيٍّ
“There is no marriage except with a guardian (walī).”
— Abī Dāwūd (2085), Tirmidhī (1101), Ibn Mājah (1881), graded ṣaḥīḥ.
My sister, notice that the Prophet ﷺ did not say “There is no nikāh without a father.”
He said walī — meaning a protector, not a biological parent.
And the Prophet ﷺ said:
“The ruler is the walī of the one who has no walī.”
— Abī Dāwūd (2083), Tirmidhī (1102)
If your father becomes an oppressor instead of a protector, he is not a walī — he is a tyrant.
Escape from tyranny.
Find a true walī.
a Real Example
A sister at the university accepted Islam.
Her father was not eligible to be her walī.
She married through an Islamic court.
She still tried to maintain good relations, but her parents rejected her repeatedly.
Five years later, she tried again — and that time, they accepted her and her children.
Today, she lives a peaceful, blessed life.
Let no one scare you by saying:
“ALLAH will be angry if you disobey your parents.”
This is not always true.
Sometimes, you must disobey your parents when they disobey ALLAH.
Take Action: Send Them These Hadith
1. Sahih al-Bukhari
Khansā’ bint Khidhām said her father married her while she was unwilling.
The Prophet ﷺ invalidated the marriage.
— Bukhari (5138)
2. Ibn Mājah
A virgin girl said her father married her to elevate his status.
She did not want the marriage.
The Prophet ﷺ gave her the choice.
— Ibn Mājah (1875), graded ṣaḥīḥ.
3. Musnad Aḥmad
A girl said her father married her for worldly gain.
The Prophet ﷺ gave her a choice.
She said she accepted only to teach women that fathers have no right to force their daughters.
— Musnad Aḥmad 2469 (ṣaḥīḥ)
Remind Them
If your parents are human then remind them. Even if they're Islamic scholars, Remind them. Especially, if they're scholars.
Remind them that it is very important to be attracted to the person who you want to marry. The Prophet ﷺ told a man to go look at the woman he wants to marry.
Al-Mughīra ibn Shu‘bah (RA) said:
“I proposed to a woman, and the Prophet ﷺ said:
‘Go and look at her, for that is more likely to create affection between you.’”
— Sunan al-Tirmidhi (1087), graded Sahih.
Maybe your parents have forgotten this Hadith even if they're Islamic Scholars. Maybe they've also forgotten the story of the Prophet Yusuf (May the peace of ALLAH be upon Him) and how women cut their hands because of his beauty. Remind your parents that you're a human with flesh and desires that only you can choose who will satisfy. Sometimes, some smart parents forget that their children are humans. They think of their children as some non-human saint. They prevent their children from marrying halal spouses because he's a foreigner.
Oh, please! There's no place on the land of ALLAH that is foreign to ALLAH.
It is ALLAH who created your daughter. It is ALLAH who created marriage. If it is not haram, don't stop it. Rather submit to ALLAH and seek for HIS guidance instead of making stuff up.
When did marrying a foreigner become haram?!
Where in the law of ALLAH?
Where?
If your daughter doesn't want a foreigner then that's fine but if she wants, don't stop her because of your own reasons.
Fear ALLAH! Parents, fear ALLAH! And stay within the boundaries of ALLAH. Stop making stuff up!
ALLAH says:
فَذَكِّرْ فَإِنَّ الذِّكْرَىٰ تَنْفَعُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ
“So remind, for indeed the reminder benefits the believers.” (51:55)
Your parents may know the Islamic laws — but they may be ignoring it.
A simple reminder can stop their injustice, if they are truly believers.
If they are unmoved, report them to ALLAH in du‘ā’.
Make du‘ā’ against oppression.
Be persistent.
Liberation is from ALLAH.
Parenthood is a test.
They do not own you.
ALLAH owns you. Make duaa and you'll surprised how Almighty ALLAH turns their hearts towards you. Make duaa.
Love Heals, Sadness Kills
Let me end with a true story.
A 27-year-old man in China was terminally ill with cancer.
He married a 24-year-old woman with one year to live due to kidney failure.
They married for practical reasons in illness.
They fell deeply in love.
After marriage, her kidney condition stabilized — without a transplant.
His cancer got healed —
This is love’s healing power. His name is Yu. Her name is Wang Xiao. This happened in 2013.
Love is a miracle.
Love is healing.
Love literally heals medically and this is just one story out of many. We are now in 2025 and this couple have been kept alive by ALLAH, The Most High.
I swear by ALLAH: sadness kills, and love heals.
If your father forces you to marry a man whose touch fills you with dread, seek refuge in ALLAH from him.
Make du‘ā’ before sadness destroys you.
Many fathers have killed their daughters slowly with sorrow.
Do not let yours kill you.
A lot of them are simply naive. They have no idea that sorrow can literally kill. They have zero idea about how sadness triggers the excessive release of stress hormones. They don't know that these stress hormones can transform into many things including cancer. Most of them have never read any medical literature about this matter. They don't even know about the Broken heart syndrome and it's scientific name. They think it is only a figure of speech. Don't let your parents kill you with their ignorance and tyranny, please. Almighty ALLAH says in two different verses of the Qur'an that parents shouldn't kill their children. Check Qur'an 17:31 and Qur'an 6:151. Of course, some parents ignore this instruction. If your parents have decided to disregard this instruction. Don't follow their footsteps. Disregard their tyranny. In the law of ALLAH, you aren't at fault at all if you flee from parental tyranny.
You can flee from parental tyranny.
You can flee from parental tyranny.
In the law of ALLAH, you can flee from parental tyranny.
The companions of the Prophet ﷺ fled.
Prophet Ibrahim (May the peace of ALLAHNbe upon Him) fled.
Flee.
Again, flee. And may the peace of ALLAH be with you.
Sometimes, some parents are ignorant and naive. They believe that they have your best interests at heart. They believe they love you. They believe they are good people. They believe that they aren't capable of mighty evil.
It's almost as if they skipped the part of the Qur'an where the angels worried about corruption and blood shed when Almighty ALLAH said that HE wanted to create humans. Some gentle people of ego actually think of themselves as righteous to the point that they completely forget that they are humans and as such are capable of great evil. They genuinely can't see the big deals in forcing a man you can't stand into your body all in the name of “marriage”.
Some people genuinely don't understand the very nature of being a human. They don't see themselves as capable of corruption and blood shed. It's almost as if they don't see themselves as humans. It's like they assume themselves to be angels.
They always feel like it is other humans that are being spoken about when corruption and blood shed is being discussed. They don't check themselves like you and I check ourselves.
They don't correct themselves. They don't even realise their own very nature as a human being.
When they're arranging the forced marriage, it didn't occur to them that they are arranging for you to get tortured and possibly killed. They genuinely don't know!
My sisters, please don't lose your life to the cruel ignorance of your “gentle” parents.
Emotional distress can kill, in Bukhari 4141, in the Hadith of Ifk, Our Mother Aisha (salamuLLAHi alayha) narrated about Umm Mistah:
“.... On that she said, 'O you Hantah! Didn't you hear what he (i.e. Mistah) said? 'I said, 'What did he say?' Then she told me the slander of the people of Ifk. So my ailment was aggravated...” ... Bukhari 4141
The moment our mother heard about the slander of the whole city against her, her sickness aggravated. If hearing bad news about yourself causes you greater sickness. What do you think would happen to a daughter who's forced to endure the most intimate touch from a human being she doesn't want to be touched by?
This Hadith shows that emotional pain can lead to increase in sickness. So if your parents have refused to read medical literature at least it is clear from Islamic literature that sadness/emotional distress can aggravate sickness/ailments.
Sometimes, as a human, some people didn't offend you, you just can't stand talking to them.
And sometimes, you like some people so much, you only want to talk to them.
It is the same with sex. Sometimes, you can't stand having sex with some people. You can't cope. You can't tolerate it. And sometimes, you crave having sex with some people. We all know about the woman who seduced the Prophet Yusuf (May the peace of ALLAH be upon Him)
Sex is not normal.
It is extremely personal and physical.
One of the most interesting miracles of ALLAH to humans is physical attraction.
When you see a human who you can imagine revealing your nakedness to.
It is not easy to find a human who you want to show yourself to.
Even after marriage it takes time even if you like the person very much. It does not happen immediately.
So imagine being forced to show your nakedness to someone you can't even stand at all.
Verily, some parents are monsters.
Imagine that level of torture, don't you think that could kill?
Imagine sharing the most intimate touch of human existence with a human whose touch wants to make you vomit?
Ha......!!!!!!
May hell-fire never be far from all unrepenting fathers who have caused their daughters sorrow so mighty it killed...
Haaaa!!!!!! She cried . She cried. She cried. Light left her voice. Do you even understand the horrow that you put her through?
May Almighty ALLAH punish all of you. All of you. All of you. Ha....!!!! She suffered. She suffered. She suffered. May you suffer. May you suffer strongly. May you suffer severely. May you never escape the wrath of ALLAH. Except if you repent.
You evil learned monsters!!!!!!
She said NO. NO is a complete sentence. It should have ended there. You evil people of ego!
....
My sisters in Islam, don't allow anyone to kill you.
If you don't consent say it.
Say NO.
on the day of the nikāh, when they ask if you consent, say NO.
Say it loudly.
NO is a complete sentence.
If you don't consent, say it!
Don't be intimidated by your evil learned monster of a father who doesn't eat a certain type of food simply because he doesn't want to but he saw it as a funny and cute one when you said you can't eat the touch of the man he chose.
Do not worship the ego of your father, don't!
Let him be disappointed. Let him rage. Let him attack you a few times. that's far easier than being attacked with the touch of a man you can't stand!
Why does it need to be said that you can't cope with the man that he chose sexually???!!!!
You should be the only one deciding who you have sex with!!!!
Hell is a possibility for your father if he doesn't repent!
In Al‑Adab al‑Mufrad, Hadith 119, the Prophet ﷺ told us that a woman whose neighbours aren't safe from her tongue is a person of hell even if she fasts and pray.
So I put it to you, that your father is a possible citizen of hell even if he fasts and pray, as long as you aren't safe from him.
Again, what makes you think your father, who subjected you to the evil of forced sexual activity all in the name of “marriage” isn't going to hell?
One more time, hell is a possible abode of your father, If he doesn't repent....
Here's the full Hadith:
Al‑Adab al‑Mufrad, Hadith 119
- Grade: Sahih by al‑Albani.
Arabic:
قِيلَ لِلنَّبِيِّ ﷺ: «يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ، إِنَّ فُلاَنَةً تَقُومُ اللَّيْلَ، وَتَصُومُ النَّهَارَ، وَتَفْعَلُ، وَتُصَدِّقُ، وَتُؤْذِي جِيرَانَهَا بِلِسَانِهَا؟»
فَقَالَ: «لا خَيْرَ فِيهَا، هِيَ مِنْ أَهْلِ النَّارِ»
English (translation):
A man said, “O Messenger of Allah! A certain woman prays at night, fasts in the day, gives charity, but hurts her neighbours with her tongue.” The Prophet ﷺ said, “There is no good in her. She is one of the people of the Fire.”
My sisters in Islam, don't allow yourself to be forced into marriage. Don't.
Yes, it's going to be brutally tough and dark for awhile but that's way better than wishing for death and feeling your heart aching everytime your “husband” approaches you.
In conclusion, may every unrepentant father who forces men into the bodies of their daughters in the name of “marriage.” meet what is due to them with ALLAH.
And may the peace of ALLAH be upon every repenting father who stops this cruelty.
Sincerely,
Hamidah Abbas | Author, Polygamy Ijma'a
» about.me/hamidahabbas | Umrah Diary
This is a story about Polygamy.
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I dedicate this letter to all Muslim women in forced marriages.
As for those who are alive, may Almighty ALLAH liberate you peacefully in ways that you can't plan.
As for those who are dead, may the peace of ALLAH be upon you on the day you were born, the day you died, and the day you'll be raised.
