Marriage in Islam: And the Imperfection of the Human Kind
Marriage in Islam: A Reflection on Human Flaws and Divine Dependence
Distinguished Sisters in Islam,
It doesn’t matter who.
Every human is both a victim and a villain.
What I'm trying to say is that people will hurt you and you'll also hurt people.
Even among the best of people, there will never be perfection.
- Abu Bakr (R.A) offended Umar bn Khattab (R.A) and he apologised.
- The Prophet ﷺ asked our Mother ʿĀ’ishah (رضي الله عنها) to repent if she had committed what the entire city accused her of—even though the accusation was false.
In countless situations, the Prophet ﷺ Himself was wronged. Yet in the incident of Ifk (the slander of Mother Aisha), He ﷺ did not immediately affirm her innocence. Instead, He asked her to turn to Allah in repentance if she had done wrong. She then turned away from Him and placed her trust entirely in Almighty Allah—until Allah revealed verses declaring her innocence.
So may peace be upon the household of Muhammad ﷺ.
This incident exposes something deeply uncomfortable about human relationships.
Many people today are divorced because of a wrong mindset that sounds like this:
“When the whole world accused me wrongly, and I needed you most, you also did not believe me.”
Our Mother ʿĀ’ishah (رضي الله عنها) could have left the Prophet ﷺ due to that inadequate support. In an authentic hadith, she stated that her illness worsened because of the pain caused by the slander.
It was a traumatic experience. She needed compassion, reassurance, and support. Yet during that period, her noble and loving husband ﷺ withdrew His affection—even while she was ill.
She turned away from Him and said she would complain only to Allah.
This teaches a frightening truth: even the best of people can fail you at your most vulnerable moment.
Many people unknowingly treat their spouse, parents, or children as though they are Allah. That is why they expect flawless loyalty, perfect understanding, and permanent support.
But this level of perfection can only come from Allah.
The Prophet ﷺ made it clear—when speaking of Abu Bakr—that no human should ever be taken as Khalīl, the ultimate beloved. That station belongs to Allah alone.
Yet today, people elevate their children, spouses, or parents to this level. Some even compromise obedience to Allah to preserve emotional approval from those they love.
We do not truly understand what humans are.
Even the good ones.
When Allah announced His intention to create humanity, the angels asked:
“Will You place upon it those who will cause corruption and shed blood?”
Humans are dangerous.
And intimacy with humans is always a risk.
This is why marriage is one of the signs of Allah.
Marriage is the decision of one flawed being to become a garment for another flawed being. A closeness that does not exist between parents and children, nor between siblings. A closeness that permits intimacy forbidden with every other human.
Allah called this bond mīthāqan ghalīẓan—a heavy covenant.
And Allah discussed divorce openly in the Qur’an—not as a failure, but as a reality of human limitation. There are even commands to separate when remaining together would violate Allah’s boundaries.
So if you are seeking marriage, understand this clearly:
You are not searching for perfection.
You are choosing the flaws you can live with.
That is why it is Sunnah for spouses to seek Allah’s protection from the evil of their spouse on the wedding night.
If you cannot cope with flaws, do not marry.
Marriage is strange.
It is risky.
And it is sacred.
So worship Allah alone.
And all praise belongs to Allah for our flaws and imperfections—for they humble us.
Sincerely,
Hamidah Abbas
Author of Polygamy Ijma’a
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I am a slave of ALLAH. I adhere strictly to the manhaj of the Messenger of ALLAH, Muhammad ibn ʿAbdullāh ﷺ.
May peace be upon you on the day you were born, the day you will die, and the day you will be raised.
