Sisters in Islam, please do not marry men who use money as a weapon

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بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful


Distinguished Sisters in Islam, please stay away from poor men.

I know you've all heard of the verse of the Qur'an where Almighty ALLAH promised to provide for you if you are poor.

However, have you heard of the verse where The Almighty says you should practice self-restraint if you're poor?

If you know the amount of calamity poverty has caused in Muslim families. You'll stay away from marrying poor men.

Yes, there are “20 million people” with success stories. But what about the rest of the “200 million people” with straight up horror stories?

My sisters, they always love to brainwash you with this beautiful verse: 

“Marry off the single ones among you, and the righteous among your male and female servants. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty. And Allah is All-Encompassing, All-Knowing.” (Qur’an 24:32)

There's nothing wrong with the verse. It is a perfect verse for those who already have the means to provide but fear running out of provision. It's not for someone who has absolutely nothing. So whenever they recite this beautiful verse, don't allow them to stop there. Ask them to recite the beautiful verse that follows:

“And let those who cannot find the means to marry keep themselves chaste until Allah enriches them out of His bounty.” (Qur’an 24:33)

They are literally Verses 32 and 33 from Suratu-Nur.

These are the two verses that comes one after the other.

They love to read the first verse. As for the one that follows. They have decided to pretend not to see it.

We need to acknowledge those two verses and understand them properly together with balance. 

Sisters, please beware of highly learned righteous Muslim men and scholars who are upon Qur'an and Sunnah.

These are our people. We love them. However, we must be cautious when they speak. They are human beings and they're also biased from time to time. Even though they speak from a place of genuine intention, they sometimes distort the religion of ALLAH against women without realising it.

They will give you the example of a man who had absolutely nothing at the time of marriage therefore the Prophet ﷺ asked him to recite from the Qur'an as Mahr. But they won't tell you about the Hadith where the Prophet ﷺ ask Fatima bint Qays not to marry a poor man.

Fāṭimah bint Qays (RA) said:

“When I completed my waiting period, Muʿāwiyah ibn Abī Sufyān and Abū Jahm were among those who proposed to me.
So I went to the Prophet ﷺ to consult him.
He said:
‘As for Abū Jahm, he never puts down his stick from his shoulder.
As for Muʿāwiyah, he is poor and has no wealth.’
‘Marry Usāmah ibn Zayd.’”
— Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim (1480)

  • The Prophet ﷺ said he was “ṣu‘lūq”
    Meaning:
    • extremely poor
    • possessing no wealth

Some people paraphrase this today as “stingy,” but that is not what the hadith says.
The Prophet ﷺ warned her that Muʿāwiyah could not provide financially, not that he was miserly.

You see, my sister. They have told the story of this absolutely poor man over and over again without balancing it with the story where the Prophet ﷺ asked a companion not to marry another companion due to poverty.

When it comes to matters relating to women, Islamic scholars love to romanticise hardship against women.

They will refuse to give you the context of the Hadith.

Once upon a time, a man came to the Prophet ﷺ asking if he could kiss his wife whilst fasting, the Prophet ﷺ said no.

Another man came, He ﷺ said yes.

Why?

The Prophet ﷺ explained that the first man can control himself. The second one can't.

This is the context. It isn't a blanket ruling.

Nowadays, the way Islamic scholars have told only the story of a man who had absolutely nothing over and over again without giving the context and without clarifying that that isn't the norm is problematic.

Nowadays, Islamic scholars present this Hadith as a weapon to make Believing women marry into abject and severe poverty.

They have refused to observe balance when it comes to this matter.

So may Almighty ALLAH rectify us and them.

We love them. We respect them. But it has become an obligation on us to reject their errors and bias.

Once again,

Sisters, don't marry poor men who aren't capable of providing because Almighty ALLAH says:

Qur’ān 24:33

وَلْيَسْتَعْفِفِ الَّذِينَ لَا يَجِدُونَ نِكَاحًا حَتَّىٰ يُغْنِيَهُمُ اللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ
“And let those who cannot afford to marry
remain chaste until Allah enriches them from His bounty.”

Key word: yasta‘fif = practice chastity, self-restraint.

The Prophet ﷺ said:

“O young men, whoever among you is able to marry, let him marry…
and whoever is not able, then let him fast, for it will be a protection for him.”
— Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī (5066), Muslim (1400)

Distinguished sisters in Islam,

I'm Hamidah Abbas, the author of Polygamy Ijma'a.

In today's letter, all I'm here to do is to remind you that Muslims are human beings and they'll try to spiritually bully you if you allow it.

Don't allow it. Don't let people who only share one of the story confuse you. Seek balance and may Almighty ALLAH guide us all.

Sincerely,
Hamidah Sẹ̀gílọlá Abbas (HSA•👑) || Author — Reviving the Long-Lost Truth About Polygamy in Islam

📚 Read my book — Polygamy Ijma'a — for free @ about.me/hamidahabbas

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